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To be or not to be....Marriage Goals

Ah, Marriage!

The moment you jump the broom, breaking the glass and yelling Opa, or whatever else tickles your fancy, are one of the most monumental moments in your life. How is this moment so important, you ask? Because it’s no longer about you. However you want to look at your new union, the moment “I do” slips out of those pre-marriage lips, IT'S OVER!!!!

Just kidding! But your single life is six feet under, like dead and gone. I mean, that was the plan all along, right? Your plan was to get married to a beautiful specimen that only God Himself was able to create with His Almighty, perfect hands. You imagined Him delicately placing your spouse into their mother’s womb and going through the whole slew of heartbreaks and trials that would soon turn into lessons they could now apply to the life they would share with you. Well, that’s how I imagined it. I was half right. Heck, I was a sliver of a quarter right. Marriage is work! Marriage is a whole bunch of laughter, tears, play-fights, and real fights (arguing I mean. There are no Tyson fights going down in the Brown’s household). But the point is, there will never be a steady stream of calmness. Marriage is a storm where there are moments of you and your spouse being in the eye of the storm (the most calming moment).

There’s always a momentary vision in my head that pops up in the midst of an argument. It goes something like this,

–Pops (Friday)

*Don’t judge me!

But honestly, even when you are married to the most perfect person in the universe (in your mind), its still work. When my husband walks through the door I feel about four different emotions within five minutes of him hitting the threshold. Why? I honestly don’t know. I’m guessing this trait comes from a distant ancestor (Eve, cough*) whom I heard ate a fruit and damned us all with the unnecessary emotions and pain of childbirth, but we won’t get into that just yet. The point is at least once a day we are irritated with one another at some point, even if it’s for a minute. It literally took Jesus Himself to come down and say, I got you, girl! I laid my life down for this. Follow my lead! ß Easier said than done by the way.

But what about the moments where its hard to love? What if he upsets me for leaving his shoes on my side of the bed again (which he does by the way)? What if we say something we don’t mean? For all of my other married people out there, what if things don’t change when you think it should? What if it gets unbearably hard, then what? Could you still love hard? Could you still be with them through thick and thin, through sickness and health? Could you still love them when you can’t predict the future?

My friends, my answer is a solid YES! Yes, you can because love isn’t an emotion. It isn’t something that will come and go as it pleases. It’s deeper than that. In 1 Corinthians 13, the Bible explains what love is in the most gracious way. Love is patient, kind, bears all things, endures all things, hopes all things, and believes all things. (I am doing a super paraphrase, just to let you guys know). Love is a trait that comes only from God because He is love. He is the reason we are able to experience it. If God could still love me through everything, then I know I could accomplish a fraction of that with the man I'm blessed with. Forgiveness is easier when you try to compare yourself to Jesus, a perfect man, and see you don’t even come close to touching his garment (Matthew 9:20). When you realize you yourself are far from perfect, then your spouse becomes more and more blameless.

Like I said earlier, marriage is work, but it’s also worth it. It’s worth the fight. It is worth the time. It is worth the struggle, and the energy because love is irreplaceable and it makes no mistake. Love and cherish your spouse because our lives are only but a fraction of time. We are only but specs of the universe’s timeline. Don’t spend it trying to perfect your spouse. Instead focus on the perfect love that has brought you to your spouse.

I leave you guys with this. Love Christ first, then all things will fall into place.

Peace, Love, and a whole lot of Jesus!

-Katasha Brown