So, it’s clear that I haven’t been on top of my game lately. What is this, like my third post, ever? Most of you who care enough to pay attention to my social media life would know that I was busy being;
An amazing wife
A model student
And a superhero to everyone around me!
Lol just kidding. Truth be told, I was none of those adjectives listed. My list reads more like this;
The villain to anyone who crossed my path!
Aahhh! That’s more like it. Okay, now we shall proceed.
That was the reality of the last six or so months. I was also crazy enough to enroll back into school a month after I graduated while also being six months pregnant (smacks head). Granted, I managed to complete assignments all while having just delivered my baby boy, Elias. Any who, let’s speed you up on things.
I wish I could say things have gotten so much easier. But that would be the second biggest lie I’ve told today, the first one would be telling my kids I’m up while rolling over to get a few more snores in. Things have been so hard, I mean tear worthy hard. Between going to school, working on a book that has barely made it past page three, praising my handsome husband on his cooking (yeah, mama has been getting spoiled with not having to cook) and breastfeeding a man-child every hour on the hour like a milk producing slave, I’m not sure where the “easy” part starts to kick in.
I’m one of those “I love my family so much, but where is the nearest closet so I can run and hide for a few minutes?” type of moms.
Can we talk about breastfeeding really quick. Oh, my goodness that is exhausting work. I commend anyone who has done it because Lord knows I miss sleeping without having to lift my shirt up in order to relieve my chest one way or the other. Let me tell you mamas out there, you have never felt pain until you have saw your nipples stretch at least two inches off of your chest during a feeding. The only thing I can hear in my head is Kevin Hart screaming, “SHE AINT GOT NO NIIIPPPPPPPLLLLLLEEEESSSSSS!!!!” Oh yeah and let’s talk about the fact that they leak CONTINUOUSLY!! The first three weeks, I was afraid to face the shower head because of the soreness. Thank goodness, it’s over. My nipples have been through so much trauma since November 1st. I don’t think they’ll ever look the same.
Okay back to what I was saying….
I don’t know if it’s me or if my kids are begging for more attention now that I've had Elias. I don’t think I have heard more crying from them in my life. I think I’m going to start putting a dollar in a jar for every time my children cry. Then I would really be banking.
But seriously, at the end of the day I look back at my family of six and want to RRRRUUUUUUUNNNNNN!!!!! Just kidding! I look at them and think about how grateful I am for them. Despite the crazy mornings and the hectic bedtimes including everything in between, I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the universe. They’re God’s most precious gifts to me. I can’t help but smile at the fact that I have four littles who think the world of me, and they call me mama too. These insane moments I share with my family are what makes me smile when I rest my head at night, well…. that and the fact that I was able to keep everyone alive that day.
What I’m trying to say is, live in these moments of chaos and enjoy the screaming and crying and the messes as well as the funny conversations. We won’t get these moments back.
So, I leave you with this my friends,
“Our lives are only but a speck in a time that is infinite, so enjoy the flash of moments.” –K.Brown
The raw uncut version of me. -photo taken by Caison Ezra (my favorite photographer)